Just An Evening In With Me And Some AB/DL's

I realize that I am completely in 1997 with my discovery of the AB (adult baby) and DL (diaper lovers) fetish, but it was like the first time I discovered the HJ's (last year)- I was intrigued and also grossed out.  People are into this.  And this.  And this.  But you know, these are just regular people who love diapers, and the adults who wear them.  They like dogs, and stories, and John Lennon.  And they need to make some things clear- these people are not  child molesters and the quickly expel such sickos when they are found out.  I totally give them props, I mean, they are daring to other and expose a group of people who practice weird and fetishistic desires surrounding childhood! You know what, Adult Babies, take a stand!  Defend the child inside who longs to wear a poopie diaper and get breast fed!  Defend children against exploitation!  Don't let images of them get jerked off to!  Defend your right to think that babies are sexy ('cause they are, and so is this)! 

Oddly enough- the Japanese are really into AB/DL.  Huh.  I REALLY didn't see that coming. 

 

This is an ode to AB/DL's everywhere.  Really it's just a collection of songs that I think they would like, nice and relaxing, you know.  

John Lennon- Imagine

Christina Agulara- You Are Beautiful

Flogging Molly- Drunken Lullabies (they can be hard-core(ish)!)

The Cure- Lullaby (they can be make-up clad and depressed(ish)!)

Prince- Do Me, Baby

Bob Marley- Get Up, Stand Up

George Micheal- Freedom!

The Beatles- You've Got To Hide Your Love Away

Hall and Oates- Adult Education

You get my point right?  Honestly this is freaking me out too much to think about it any longer.

The moral of the story?  You have to expect that everyone you meet for the first time might by an AB/DL, because they look just like you and me, especially if they are Japanese.*

*Editor's Note: I didn't mean me, I don't look Japanese, I just didn't want to seem racist- you know?  You might look Japanese, and thats okay!  You can do whatever makes you happy- even if that IS being Japanese.  

Sexy For "The Cure"

No, I'm not talking about the Sussex nightmare of 1976 (alright I do like The Cure, but at the same time I acknowledge that it’s not going to get me anywhere- just like being 22), but something much funnier. What’s funnier than Just Like Heaven? I’ll tell you what is- being sexy for The Cure on Halloween. Makes you feel funnier than listening to Just Like Heaven doesn’t it? That’s because it is. I don’t mean funny like when a Mormon asks you if he can go “south of the boarder” on your first date (that happened to my friend, not me, I swear I would never go out with a Mormon), or funny like when you see a pregnant teenager on the day of her GED graduation smoking cigarettes in the back parking lot, or funny like this- No I mean you feel funny like when you smell fermenting menstrual blood in the gas station bathroom, or funny like being a hot cop on Halloween, or funny like wanting to live in a building with a fountain outside. These songs and their mille fois (it’s French!) make me feel funny in a lot of different ways, Par Example (French!): funny like a Hitler mustache, funny like a “that’s what she said” joke and funny like when you wake up and realized that you shaved your cat and left only his paws furry.


Charlene- Never Been To Me
UB40- I’m Gonna Make You Sweat*
Riskay- Smell Yo’ Dick
April Stevens- Teach Me Tiger**
Grease (The Musical)- Summer Nights
Destiny’s Child- Cater 2 U***
Melissa Ethridge- Come Into My Window
Tracy Champman- Fast Car****
Wu Tang Clan- Method Man*****
Shaggy- It Wasn’t Me
Gweneth Paltrow & Huey Lewis- Crusin’ Together
TLC- Red Light Special

Can you think of other songs that make you go hmmm? If you can’t C&C Music Factory has an extensive list of things that make you go hmmm that you can draw some inspiration from.


*More Rapey than the Bob Marley version and infinitely less cool.
** Again, more Rapey than the others
*** More Rapey isn’t necessarily what we are looking for to put you in this list- this song if less Rapey than let’s say I Would Die 4 U or other songs with number letter short cuts. But you don’t have to take my word for it!
**** It’s not just because they are both gay, get off my case!
***** I believe this actually refers directly to anal rape, but again, not the only thing that should make you feel funny about this.

"Slow Jamz": Volume One

You know what I mean-- "Slow Jamz". I believe someone was not so subtle not too long ago and named theirs "I'm Trying To Get In Your Pants". Same thing. You remember all those compilations that they sold on late night television with like twenty five disks. Who needs 38 hours of sexy songs? I don't. You see the art of "Slow Jamz" is to trick the person you apply it on. Yeah, application like a salve or a game that you load on your new iTouch. You are sitting in the dark drinking some scotch or some port on your leather couch and you say casually and kindof loudly "Lets turn on some music?!". You've got it in the bag (especially after the Roofie/Viagra combo that you have soaked the glass in and let dry before you went out "dancing" at The Fez). And this is why:

Steely Dan- Dirty Work
Beck- No Complaints
Bill Withers- Use Me
Shelby Lynne- Dream Some
Crowded House- Into Temptation
Amy Winehouse- Love Is A Losing Game
The Roots- Coming To Break You Off
A Tribe Called Quest- Electric Relaxation
Erykah Badu- Next Lifetime
Lauren Hill- Nothing Even Matters
Stan Getz & Joao Gilberto- Corcovado
Sondre Lerche & The Faces Down Quartet- (You Knocked Me) Off My Feet
Billie Holiday- Some Other Spring
Omara Portuondo- Veinte Anos
Andre 3000- Prototype

Now, I understand that you are surprised that there is no Jack Johnson or The Basement Jaxx on this mix, but again, I cannot stress enough (Roofie/Viagra) that this is supposed to be sexy, and what says sexy more than a girl who smokes crack? or suggesting that we could be butterflies? or a language other than English? or begging to be used, until you are used up. All I'm saying is look out- Because I have a sexy mix and a sexy amount of sedatives.

(2008 is the new 2003 does not technically condone the use of Flunetrazapam in combine with Slidenafil citrate in a sexual setting. We are just saying that its something to consider.)

Folk Me?! Folk You!!

I've been working on this here mix for about three weeks. Why so long to compile only ten songs, why so long only to be forced to put on "Pink Moon" literally steeling from the spiny fingers of a Volkswagen commercial. Really? Yeah, I did it. Nick Drake. The problem I'm having here is listening to more than 10 folk songs. Ever. Not that I don't love a hardy dose of stoned musicians singing about how lovely the world is, but after 20 minutes I figuratively want to strum myself from the Broadway bridge and stay there, a capella, until I can't think of anymore metaphors that have to do with life and life’s trials and tribulations. I love it, and I hate it at the exact same time. I hear myself singing “Heart of Gold” exactly like Neil Young would want me to, and I see myself crying when Yusurf Islam (for all of you who were around when “folk” was still “folkie” Yusurf Islam used to be Cat Stevens) tells me that I can do what I want, that the opportunity is mine, and I think to myself… Folk me?! Folk you!!

Cat Stevens- If You Want To Sing Out, Sing Out
Bob Dylan- Lay, Lady, Lay
George Harrison- Give Me Love
James Taylor- Fire and Rain
Neil Young- Old Man
Joni Mitchell- Little Green
Carole King- So Far Away
Fleetwood Mac- Never Going Back Again
Simon & Garfunkel- April Come She Will
Nick Drake- Pink Moon

On a side note, I am aware of how much I mention crying, and I'm okay with who I am, and if you take a look at my life, I'm a lot like you-

P.S.S. I know that I got a little crazy with the links, but Jenny from STAFF MEAL showed me how to do it. So now that's all I'm gonna do.

I Want to Eat Ice Cream and Cry: For Billy

This is for my good friend Billy, who is recently broken up with his girlfriend. You want to listen to this alone, and probably a little drunk, and definitely in your underwear. Do it Billy, its going to get you through it. We are just trying to get through this.

The Strokes- Fear of Sleep
Buck Owens- Heartbreak Mountain
NRBQ- Nothing Wrong With Me
Creedence Clearwater Revival- Long As I Can See The Light
Chicago- If You Leave Me Now
Al Green- For The Good Times
Todd Rundgren- Be Nice To Me
Destroyer- Blue Flower/ Blue Flame
Basement Jaxx- If I Ever Recover
Beck- Lonesome Tears
Bonnie Raitt- I Can't Make You Love Me
Fiona Apple- Love Ridden
Sinead O'Connor- Nothing Compares 2 U
Glen Campbell- By the Time I Get To Phoenix
Rhett Miller- Come Around

Let me defend my choices real quick. I know that there are some bad ones, and I know it seems like I really like the Basement Jaxx (I don’t! I swear! Okay I do), but these are very break up specific. The order is most important here Billy, I promise it’s going to take you through and your going to be a better man for it. And if you don’t have the album “Sea Change” your going to have to get it. There have been many a weeks spent in bed listening to Sea Change through headphones. P.S. sorry about putting on I Can’t Make You Love Me, but your gonna need a good cry, maybe there will even be a gasm to go with it… Gross, I didn’t want to picture that.

I Looked Up in the Mirror and Realized it Was Me Covered In Au Jus- By Jenny Cook

This wonderful, someone else besides me reads the blog. A quick back story- Jenny and I moved to Portland together in 2005. We really are crazy, and sometimes condiments do enter both our lives in this fashion. I’m not sure why “Boogie Monster” by Gnarls Barkley was left off, I mean, its okay to be obvious… you don’t always have to pick the most obscure music that I’ve never even heard of to put on your mix to show me up. (why you couldn't just pick music from our basically shared ipods is beyond me!!!!!!?!) THIS ISN’T A COMPETITION JENNY. fuck. No I’m okay, really I’m fine.

1. The Black Keys- Psychotic Girl
2. The Zombies- Gotta Get Ahold of Myself
3. The Beatles- I am the Walrus
4. The Mamas and the Papas- California Dreamin
5. Elvis Costello- So Like Candy
6. Glen Campbell- He Ain't Heavy (He's My Brother)
7. The Cowsills- The Rain the Park and Other Things
8. The Pretenders- Night in My Veins
9. The Platters- Smoke Gets in Your Eyes
10. Blitzen Trapper- Not Your Lover
11. Bill Callahan- Sycamore
12.Holly Golightly- There's an End

The Black Keys, Attack and Release, is an album you want to own. shit, I just bought it just now, seriously, just right now. I did. The Zombies is what we like to call a "juxtaposition" you would also know that if you were in college writing write now. I like it, its C R A Z Y. I am the Walrus, yeah I know, your the egg man too NEXT! Mama and Papa are both crazy I mean as people, good fit. Wait is this song about psychotropic drugs? So like Candy, I also so would have accepted anything from Crowded House. Now, with Glen I never know who is the craziest, him or his brother. I'm going to spare you the psychoanalysis of someone who takes on responsibilities that aren’t necessarily theirs to hold, and just leave you with that thought. Great singer though. I too love the flower girl, creepy, good one. Night in My Veins, taking the jus to the parking lot- good call j*. I don't know where you are going with The Platters, I mean I know, but I just don't know. You know, I thought that maybe the next song was going to be as good as White Town "Your Woman", but it's not. Next, Next, Golightly is grasping at straws, once again, I wish this what White Town. Overall- very crazy, and A+ for participation. Good Job Jenny!

Sadie Hawkins Meets Steven Hawking: This is Gonna Make You Dance Like a Retard

Traxx:

50 Cent and Olivia- Candy Shop
Blondie- Heart of Glass
K.C. and the Sunshine Band- Keep it Comming
Fiest- 1 2 3 4
Midlake- Young Bride
Ok Go- Oh Lately It's So Quiet
Kanye West ft. Jamie Foxx- Gold Digger
Jay-Z ft Mariah Carey- Heartbreaker
Prince- I Would Die 4 U
Pitch Black- It's All Real
The Rolling Stones- Under My Thumb
Stevie Wonder- You Can Fell It All Over
Nikka Costa- Happy In The Morning
Robert Palmer- Addicted To Love
The Steve Miller Band- Stuck in the Middle With You
Fleetwood Mac- Dreams

All of these make me dance like a retard. I'm either shaking my arms or turning in the dark with my eyes closed, either way- they will have the same affect of you. Album re-name could/would/should also be Things to Kareokie on a First Date

The Fine Art of the Crygasm, and What it Takes to Sign a Lease

Side One: I'm trying to get in to your pants.

The Kinks: We Are The Village Green Preservation Society
David Bowie: Moonage Daydream
Gruff Rhys: Candy Lion
Luke Temple: Make Right With You
Tom Petty: Wildflowers
Bonnie Raitt: Lovers Will
George Harrison: Isn't It A Pity
Bobby Vinton: Blue Velvet
Roberta Flack: Gone Away
Simon and Garfunkel: So Long, Frank Lloyd Wright
Supergrass: Low C
The Flamingos: I Only Have Eyes For You
The Beach Boy's: G-d Only Knows
Sam Cooke: A Change Is Gonna Come
Mott The Hoople: All The Young Dudes
Paul McCartney: Maybe I'm Amazed


Side Two: Songs we dance to in the kitchen after we've moved in together.

Spoon: Everything Hits At Once
Hall and Oates: Rich Girl
David Bowie: Sound and Vision
Prince: Let's Go Crazy
Melvern Taylor: Love Songs For Losers
Nat King Cole: L-O-V-E
Fats Domino: Blueberry Hill
Brendan Benson: Tiny Spark
Cornershop: Sleep on The Left Side
Electric Light Orchestra: Don't Bring Me Down
Beck: Profanity Prayers
Sade: Smooth Operator
Marmalade: I See The Rain
Suggie Otis: Inspiration Information
The Beatles: Dear Prudence
The Kinks: Picture Book
The Platters: The Great Pretender

There are a few problems that I have with 1) Spencer 2) Spencer's doublesidedisks
Spencer has a decided advantage, for he is in the buisness of making his own mix cd's and selling them for cold hard cash. Plus- he is old, so he knows a lot more about The Who, The Kinks, Nat King Cole and trying to fingerbang chicks. And riddle me this "Spence": where is there a disk/record/8-track/cassette tape/record/mini disk/ floppy disk/ hard disk that has upwards of 17 available track spots... or is that something that i'm not old enough to understand?

Although I don't agree with the use of side or the absence of Stevie Wonder, I like it. I like it? I LIKE IT!
The Kinks/David Bowie always yes please, although Candylion makes me wonder if it is infact an "adult's" pants that you are trying to get into. Luke Temple makes me want to make wrong with you, if you know what i mean. eh? huh? yeaaah. Unfortunately I have a strict policy against Tom Petty, and especially that particular song. Don't ask me to explain it- I just don't like it, kind of like I don't like people who aren't white. Bonnie Raitt is a yesplease allthetimeplease, but Lovers Will? I just don't know, kind of too sad, unless you are looking to have a crygasm- which I am always up for, so maybe a good choice. George Harrison, I get it, but I don't get it. I get it, but I don't get it. Bobby Vinton makes me want to smell the cloth and cry- nice choice. Followed by yet another set up for a crygasm (for those of you who are not sure what a "crygasm" is, see the Bonnie Raitt song I Can't Make You Love Me, that will surely set you up for knowing what I mean, like Abraham knew Sarah, knowing). By this point, I'm just ready to listen to Maybe I'm Amazed. So my pants have been gotten into and I'm ready to dance in a specific room, on a specific surface...

Track One: I do want to go to sleep and think that you are next to me NEXT Rich Girl?! Private Eyes... come on. Sound and Vision, a sound choice- ah ha ha! Prince is the right thing to do, but I feel like people have forgotten about Musicology. Call My Name is amazing, and I feel like I prefer Head to Let's Go Crazy. This is kind of my domain, don't feel bad- Melvern is obligitory and fucking awesome everytime allthetime. I'm skipping ahead because I'm simply just too young and supple to enjoy anything pre-1992 (the year I was born) and Beck is a Beck is a Beck, I would have also accepted Sexx Laws, Peaches and Cream or Hurricain Weather. Sade, don't you mean ShawDay? I'm confused. Dear Prudence, akward to dance to, but great to look listfully into eachother's eyes whilst picking up the glass you broke when you were interperative dancing to ShawDay. Again with the Kinks... their not that good. I mean, really. They arn't. Love You Nance!

Look forward to the next wonderful- Folk Me?! Folk You!! Get ready to love life and shit.

Intro

2008 is the new 2003

Disk One: This Is Me,

The Meters- Cissy Strut
Justin Timberlake- Senorita
Jack Johnson- Better Together
Gary Allen (?)- Nothing On But The Radio
Squeeze- If I Didn't Love You
C-Rex- Smoke Drugs
Q-Tip- Barely In Love
M.I.A.- Sunshowers
Caetano Veloso- Cuccuruccu Paloma
Dane Cook- Itchy A*****e
The Jimi Hendrix Experence- Wait Until Tommorow
David Bowie- China Girl
Naughty By Nature- Feel Me Flow
Pilot- It's Magic
Elvis Costello- No Action (early version)
John Lennon- Look At Me
Joanna Newsom- Bridges and Ballons
Joni Mitchell- Help Me
Aimee Mann- Driving Sideways

Disk Two: Trying To Impress You.

David Bowie- Queen Bitch
Basement Jaxx- Hot 'N Cold
Bonnie Raitt- Cure For Love
Phoenix- If I Ever Feel Better
Bebel Gilberto- Baby
T-Rex- Cosmic Dancer
Hall & Oates- I'm Just A Kid (Don't Make Me Feel Like A Man)
Melvern Taylor- Sad And Blue
Belle & Sebastian- Seeing Other People
Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Y Control
Jay-Z- I Just Want To Love U
Steely Dan- Hey Nineteen
Gilbert O'Sullivan- Alone Again, Naturally
Gerry Rafferty- Right Down The Line
Lou Reed- Kicks
Kelis- Milkshake
Fleetwood Mac- Hold Me
Cody Chesnutt- The Seed
Kevie Kev- Waterbed Kev
Hot Butter- Popcorn




2008 is the new 2003 is my new exciting. We are going to 1: publish our own epic mix tapes of the present and past (not the music of course, just the artist and track names) 2: invite the brave to email us theirs 3: listen to them 4: make fun of them 5: (sometimes) praise them, but don't count on the last one.

Its going to be like High Fidelity with out the British and minus the genius writing.

Its going to be AWESOME.