I Keep Forgetting

That We're Not In Love Anymore. That is such a pussy way to say it. I keep forgetting that we're not in love anymore?! Bullshit, it's kind of all that you can think of when you realize that your High School Gym teacher isn't in love with you anymore or whatever. It's all I can think about now that Dave Tango from Ghost Hunters and I aren't in love anymore. Tony Danza too. And also Paul Ruben's ventriloquist dummy (stage name Pee Wee Herman... it's ironic- trust me!!!) So maybe we're not in love anymore- At least I don't have to tell them in my own words, yes that's right, I can just play them a song and watch the tears cry me a river, oh yes cry me a river (Paton pending).

B.B King- The Thrill Is Gone
I'm On Your Side-Bonnie Raitt
Bye Bye Love- The Cars (only because of the sick guitar solo's, it makes me think of breaking up with someone... really)
It's Too Late- Carole King
Not Your Lover- Blitzen Trapper*
March Of The Meanies- The Beatles**
I'll Follow The Sun- The Beatles***
That's Just What You Are- Aimee Mann

P.S. This idea was stolen directly from Spencer Albee. Thanks Spence (Paton pending)

P.S.S. We at 2008 was the new 2003 agree that suicide jokes are funny.  And in our next installment, Tittie Fucking Is The New 2nd Base, we will detail why.  

*You have to know that I don't actually care for Blitzen Trapper at all, but shit- it's like that Natasha Beddingfield song Unwritten. It's just freaking awesome, like tittie fucking on the first date.
**In this here song I imagine that all I would have to do is look at Gael Garcia and He would totally understand how I felt, and just various threatening eye movements would send him in to a frenzy that would drive him to some kind of rash Owen Wilson like stunt (that was also caused by Owen forgetting that we weren't in love anymore).
*** Only to make up for the last one, sorry, really it's not you- it's me.

Nothing Says Christmas Like ----

It's like a MadLib, you are supposed to fill in the blank after the word Like. It doesn't have to be just the number 69 or a swear word like boobies! For instance I would say Nothing Says Christmas Like Drinking Wine In The Boat House Without Your Friend's Parents Knowing Even Though You Bought The Wine With Your Real Drivers Licence. Maybe you would say Nothing Says Christmas Like Being A Jew, or Nothing Says Christmas Like A Quart Of Bag Balm And Some Flash Pasteurizers. Whatever your into, I think that you can truly appreciate this holiday mixer that contains neither egg-nog nor gefelta fishes. Nothing Says Christmas Like Begging For Money To Buy A Present For Your Son (also known as buying crystal meth). Nothing Says Christmas Like A Good Rape Joke At Brunch. Nothing Says Christmas Like:

Tom Waits- Heart Attack And Vine
Elton John- Razor Face
The Nappy Roots- Po' Folks
Big Tymers- Still Fly
Man Man- Rabbit Habbits
Lou Reed- A Gift
Dick Van Dyke- Toot Sweet
Fiona Apple- Fast As You Can
The Parson Red Heads- Punctual As Usual (obligatory)
Todd Rundgren- Be Nice To Me
The Velvet Underground- All Tomorrow's Parties
Bad Company- All Right Now
De La Sol- Shopping Bags (She Got From You)
The Black Keys- I Cry Alone
and any duet singing Baby It's Cold Outside

I know that the last one didn't really fit the list because it actually IS a song about snow and shit, but wait! It does still belong because it is the Rapiest of all holiday music. Yes, More than Toot Sweet, more than Be Nice To Me (pause for laughter). But get it- Nothing Says Christmas Like Scrapping Something Together At The Last Minute Because You Could Think Of Any Thing Else And You've Been Procrastinating For Like A Month And A Half (pause for emphasis).

Look forward to our next installment where we copy someone else's brilliant idea, call it our own, and GET PAID nexttonothing FOR IT.

From: 2008 was the new 2003